Negative ---> Positive

"You are who you want to be."

I am currently searching for the person that I want to be. It's a rough journey, and it takes me for crazy rides at times. I lost myself for a while and didn't even know who I was.

Now this is a not too good part of me...but the part that I'm battling and changing....

I don't like to have responsiblity in my life. I would like to be carefree and not tied down in any way....I could be a kid for the rest of my life.

But I do have responisblities to live up and an adult life to run.

Ah...actually I am going to stop with where thiw was going and change direction. My negative thoughts were starting to bring me down.

Instead I am going to say what the things are that I am grateful for in my life....

I am grateful to have an increadibly strong man, in all aspects, to teach me how to grow up and be responsible, it it wasn't for him I would probably grow to be a middle aged single woman looking for a man that is already taken. For a man that has learned to love my faults, my annoying habits, my crazy mood swings, my indecisiviness, on yeah that falls under faults...and still loves the little girl inside that just wants to be loved.

I am grateful that I have an adorable little boy, who will grow to love, adore, and respect his beautiful mother.

I am grateful to have a very caring family that stands behind each other, weather we all agree or not.

I am grateful to have been strong enough to go back to school and have received my first college degree, General Education. And to be finishing another degree in the spring.

I am gateful to have a job in these bad economic times.

I am grateful to have been raised as a respectful and kind person. To have been raised well at all, as so many have not had that luxuary.

To be able to express myself!

Time to move on?

Is there a time in a person's life to find new friends? To just move on from the people you have always known and loved?

I'm 23 years old. I've been hanging on to the same group of girls since early high school years. A few have moved, but we try to stay in touch. And with others we have just gone different directions but try to pretend everything is the same.

I love these girls, like extra sisters. We've been there for each other through so much. Been in a few Weddings, through a few giving birth, break-ups, and new relationships.

But I feel like I am changing enough to grow apart from them. I see life in a different light then before. They don't know me at all any more, and they don't seem to want to learn the new me.

I recently went through a short depression...had some issues with my husband and just life kicking my butt. I wrote a short email telling them all I need their support. Not ONE has asked me how I am doing or if things are better. Not ONE has checked on me. Yes, one of the girls is getting married, and a majority of our conversations are about that at the momment, but that doesn't mean someone else doesn't need some friends right now. When one of them is going through a rough spot...a break-up, a certification test, army stuff I ALWAYS call and check on them. See if they need to chat or just give my support and friendship. They haven't been there for me in SOOO long.

My best friend is my husband at this point, but I really need a girl friend. I'm in the process of making a few new friends. It's hard to do....but I'm really working on it.

I wonder if they realize that I really am slipping away from them because of their lack of interest in my life these days.